who is this miracle speaking to me, redux

"I loved this letter in particular. Do you have any tips or links to ways to start to get to know your neighbors? We've lived in our house for almost 4 years, and barely know ours at all. Coming from a rural community where everyone knew everyone, this makes me sad and would love to make a change." 
-A Reader Response to "Letters from Mulberry Terrace | Who Is This Miracle Speaking to Me?" April 17, 2018

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I wrote about this once around the 2016 election, but there are quite a few more subscribers these days, many of whom weren't here then, and in any case the ideas list can use an update. I've been a community builder in various roles for roughly a decade, so I know I'm a bit more comfortable with this than a lot of people, and all of these ideas, of course, assume a baseline of safety. Take care of yourself while you're learning. While most of these will put you out of your comfort zone if it's not what you're used to doing, if you're ready to try it, this is where I start:

• First: I try to toe the line between awkward and creepy. If you're not sure where that line is, in my experience, it's about turning over control of the situation. My usual opening with my immediate neighbors is a note ("let me know if you need anything!" "please feel free to share this shovel!") with my phone number, at which point the ball is in their court and I leave it alone. Most people won't find that any worse than awkward; if you push beyond that, it can cross the line. I've never had a bad reaction, but that says more about my neighbors than about me.
• If I recognize someone as having been around, I introduce myself and let them know where I live (specifically or generally as appropriate and according to comfort level). 
• I let my immediate neighbors know that I'm home during the day if they need someone to receive a package, let in the plumber, etc.
• If I notice someone needs help, I offer it. Can I check in on your elderly parent? Here's my number. Got a new baby? Let's exchange numbers and I'll check in on you sometimes. 
• Regarding the last two points, the idea is partly to make myself available and partly to let people know I'm paying attention to them and what's going on. If I hear something weird through the walls or outside, I check in on it. I try to toe the line between attentive and meddling (my view is that attentive neighbors offer help or ask questions as a first step while meddling neighbors start by making complaints, but your mileage may vary on that distinction). 
• I make myself visible by spending time in outdoor and shared spaces. I say "good morning" to anybody I pass on the sidewalk who isn't completely engrossed in something else. This is an extension of the dorm-dweller's open door policy: make it easy for others to make casual greetings and conversation whenever you're open to that kind of interaction.
• If greeting other adults is a challenge for you, introducing yourself via pets and kids are decent starting points (but in both cases, always ask the adult and pay attention to their verbal and nonverbal responses). Greet them by name when you see them, too.
• In general: people (really, most creatures) will do the easiest thing. If it's easier to do the sociable thing than the non-sociable thing, most people will be sociable. If it's easier to do the right thing than the wrong thing, they're more likely to do right. Enabling desirable behaviors almost always works better than prohibiting bad ones.

As a rule, I'm an advocate for starting with interpersonal relationships, but if you think you're ready to move on to larger-scale work:

• If you need some guidance specifically with using your own privilege to help other people stay safe, read: Speak Up: Responding to Everyday Bigotry from the Southern Poverty Law Center
• If your neighborhood has an in-person community association, join it and show up. If it doesn't, consider starting one. I very strongly recommend that you do not do this on facebook or tools like NextDoor, where people will feel emboldened to complain rather than empowered to care.
• Consider organizing neighborhood activities, like local trick-or-treating, park, median, or street cleanup, walking groups, etc. This encourages people to invest energy in the upkeep and well-being of their community, both practically (cleanliness) and socially. Make room for positive, practical action.
• Be on guard for NIMBYism. If you can interrupt these conversations, do so. If the argument is against people (including things like sidewalks, transit routes, shelters, etc), a gentle reminder of the human consequences can make a difference. If it's against pollutants or similar, remind them that everywhere is someone's backyard, and try to find a way to enact positive, practical work to ensure the danger isn't just relocated away from you and onto someone else.
• Get in touch with local shared spaces, like libraries, community centres, and even some local businesses (anywhere with a big dining room or lobby with seating is worth asking). Find out if they'd be willing to work with you on collaborative projects. Let them know your goals.
• Be cautious with churches. While they often have well-appointed shared spaces (kitchens, etc) they can places where not everyone feels safe or welcome, and you may unintentionally exclude the people who most need to be included. That said, they may be your only option, but if you are working with a church, know what they're like and who does and doesn't feel welcome there. Be proactive about finding other ways to bring those people into the group.
• Once you've found a shared space, there are lots of things you can do. Invite community members to share skills with one another, organize swaps (clothes, cookie plates, soup, whatever you can think of!), etc. Consider distributing your activities across several categories, such as: community learning, social events, and community wellbeing (including activism). 
• Take personal responsibility for shared spaces, including parks, streetsides, community bulletin boards, etc. If your neighbors know you by name and know you're working to help keep things clean and nice for everyone else, they are more likely to participate.

Finally: Try not to get discouraged if you're the only one doing this stuff for a while. Most people haven't been active in this kind of thing for a long time, if ever. You are setting an example for the kind of world you want to live in, and somebody has to start. Let people know what you're doing, and ask them directly to join you.